I did it!

So I took the plunge, I got my first two thirsties diaper covers today, 10 prefolds and 2 swaddlebees inserts. Tomorrow I will go pick up my Flips and inserts. Then after much prepping and more prepping I will be able to start this cloth diapering journey :) I am excited! I know there will be ups and downs, but I am determined to find the systen and way of cloth diapering that works for me. Pictures of the cute one himself and his deliciously chubby thighs in a cloth diaper are sure to make their way onto this blog very soon!

So sweet

Here's a moment I never want to forget. This morning my little monkey was sleeping in a bit long, so the princess and I went to wake him up. I was kissing his cheeks to get him to wake up and saying his name softly. He started to stir and when he opened his eyes his head was turned away from me. The first thing he saw was his big sister. He smiled so radiantly and beautifully. She smiled back at him in just the same way. It was pure magic. For a moment in time it felt like I was a voyeur peeking in on a special bond between the two. It just makes my heart sing to see my two children have something so special between them. I cannot wait to watch this bond blossom and mature.

Nobody pushes me around

The title is a saying I saw printed on a baby carrier, a Mei Tai specifically. Babywearing is a subject near and dear to my heart. Today my family and I did a three mile hike. I wore my littlest in a Mei Tai. A Mei Tai is an asian style baby carrier that is a large rectangular shape with four straps to tie it on. It was a little chilly, so we added a blanket tucked under the straps and took off. It was so nice to finally get out of the house and get some exercise. With a small baby and the cold I have not been able to do anything outside. I have been feeling a bit of cabin fever for a while and today I finally could not take it anymore. I am so glad I took him out. He enjoyed himself and actually slept the last two miles away.

Here he is in a cotton gauze wrap. A wrap is just a long piece of fabric that you wrap a certain way to support the baby and tie him to you. This particular wrap was just washed and the ends sewed together to prevent fraying. I did nothing else to it at this point. I was trying it out to see exactly what size I would like it to be. I wear it all the time to do different types of carries. I often end up cleaning my house with him attached to me in some way.

Here we are using a beautiful handmade wrap that a friend sent traveling around the country. It was with us for a week. I just love the colors.

Oh and did I mention real men wear pink! ;)

Every mom needs a little support.

One thing that I have learned since becoming a mother is that you really need support. Even if its just your sister, someone has to be there for you to talk to, question, bounce ideas off of, or just plain listen to you b*^@#. I have a pretty decent support network in my sisters and friends. Its nice to be able to call someone and they will understand what I am going through. My older sister has been a huge resource when it has come to needing someone to talk to when I am down or need advice. I also have a few people I can talk to about life as a SAHM. Its not as easy as it seems! LOL. But there was something that was missing in this support group when I got pregnant with my second. Not a one of them had lost a baby. I would never have wanted any of them to experience this just so I could have a confidant. So I was looking online for info when I was pregnant with my second when I stumbled across the website i-am-pregnant.com joined and found a group of ladies in a forum that was dedicated to being pregnant after having had a loss. I was a nuerotic mess with my son and these ladies let me get all my crazy out. I had lost 2 babies previously and was very worried that my womb would become a tomb again. The ladies in the forum calmed and reassured me. Since they had all been through what I have been through I wasn't making anyone uncomfortable when I mentioned my losses or had a sad day months after the losses. They understood that the happiness of having a baby growing inside me did not mask my grief at losing two pregnancies. We all rejoiced together when a "rainbow baby" entered the world and we all mourned together when one of us lost another baby. It was a great thing for me to have during my pregnancy. I concieved my son 19 days after my second loss and I was afraid for months that something was going to go wrong. We even had some scares during the pregnancy where it looked like he might have to be taken out early. I shared all this with the group and got the support I needed. I have come to love these ladies like a good friend that I see everyday. I honestly and truly care for them and am interested in their lives and how they are doing. We all became such a close knit group while we were pregnant. We have kept in touch since our babies were born, and have even started a group page on Facebook. Now the topic is raising little ones after loss. I am glad that it was started, I never knew that I would be so scared about my son living and breathing after he was born. I guess once you have lost a baby it changes the way you think. I never take anything for granted anymore. Not that I ever did, but if my daughter slept longer than usual I did not feel a panicky feeling like I do when my son does. I guess I have just realized how precious,short and fleeting life is. The women in the group realize it also. I chat with these ladies almost daily about our children and other kid related things. All this is so out of character for me, I have never in the past tried to communicate with anyone online or get to know anyone online. I am so glad that I took the plunge and did so. I don't think I could have handpicked a better group of ladies and I could not be happier with the support that these ladies have given me. So I guess what I am trying to say in such a longwinded way is seek out support. If you can't get it around you, get if from people you don't see everyday. The internet has created a network of people that a mom need only do a few clicks of her mouse and she will have all the support she needs.

High needs not Fussy

I have been trying very hard to stay positive when it comes to my children and what may be percieved as their "faults". My son is what others have referred to as "horribly fussy", "demanding", "draining", and "never happy". I internalized those words for a little bit and I felt pretty desperate for the day that he would outgrow all these labels. I will admit he does fuss a lot and he doesn't sleep very much and he wants everything done just right. He even has a routine that must be followed to the letter for him to sleep and you never really know what technique will console him. But having said all of that I would like to state the obvious- he's a baby. Babies fuss and babies cry some more than others and thats life. When I stopped listening to people and acknowledged that this was my new life and I was going to be eternally tired and the house was never going to be up to par I was able to really enjoy my baby. I had been just "living" through the long crying jags and the lack of sleep and only enjoying the "good" moments and not all the time I was blessed to have with him. I had got it into my head that there was a certain way for this mothering thing to be done. My son was turning all that upside down. I could have saved a lot of heartache if i just had done what he was demanding that I do from the beginning. Once I gave in and reached the level of excellance that he requires from me, I realized that I wasn't getting the most out of my time with him. I was to busy trying to make him be a happy baby. Because as we all know a happy baby is the hallmark of good parenting right? I realized that not every adult is happy all the time even when nothing is wrong, so why should a baby be? I can't expect more from him then I do adults. Everyone can have a bad day or slip into a funk, even a baby. Like most parents I expected him to be a little adult in some ways. I wanted him to drift off to sleep by himself after I turned on his mobile and to not need to be constantly held. Well that has never happened and he's almost five months so I'm not holding my breath. He also made it painfully obvious that he was not going to accept any mechanical mommies either. Bouncy seats, swings, bassinets, cribs, playpens none of those are good enough for him. And to be honest none of them can compare to my arms, my breasts, my voice and my warmth. I was to busy comparing him to his older sister. She was such and easygoing baby and loved to sit alone with a toy at this age. He won't so I have changed the way I mother. I have discovered babywearing and not just in the snuggli or Moby for and hour or so, but in a fabric wrap or mei tai for long stretches a few times a day. I have always co-slept, but I know he is going to be in bed with us longer than his sister was. I also have just slowed life way down, I take the time to listen to his cues and do things at his pace. So he might be "harder" than other babies, but I have learned to rise to the challenge. We are almost five months into this experience and i can finally say it feels like my life is not so crazy and fractured as it was after his birth. I have decided to relabel him with positive terms. So instead of "horribly fussy" I say "he communicates well" instead of "demanding" I say "he expects excellence" instead of "draining" I say "he siphons off the energy he needs from me" and instead of "never happy" I say "he's happy now that I listen to him".

And I couldn't leave this without providing a resource that was given to me by a friend. This resource didn't offer criticisms, tell me I was a bad mom, or offer advice that worked for every baby but mine. 12 features of a high needs baby